Toot Alors!

[jim0987]

Hi Toots,

I read your post last night but took a bit of time to think about it. it left me with a definite 'hmmmmmmmm??????'

i'm going to ask a bunch of questions here which by all means answer but its more things for you to think about.

Why do you want to tell him?
what do you think it would change?
If he did know, what then?
If he did want to reconcile as well, what then?
If he didn't, what then?
How do you know you still want to reconcile with who he is now having not seen him for a few months?
And what on earth is happening with his A?

I'm asking all of this because and please forgive me for being blunt here as i do mean this with the warmest of intents

At what point do I say again that I don't want our M and R to end?

It already has.

what you need to decide is if you want to build a new, better relationship with him almost as though all your history (good and bad) is your 'baggage' from previous relationships - which lets be honest nearly everyone has.

if the answer on that decision is a yes, or at least a 'well i'd like to find out' then the question you need to ask is how do you go about that, rather than how do i tell him i want to save a relationship that has already gone.

In your case you have worked hard on your detatchment and should be proud of where you have got to but if you want to open up the communications someone has to make the first moves

I think edz was right about this. I dont necessarily think the first moves have to be about reconciling or relationship stuff. You could work on building a friendly connection. A simple 'how's it going?' or sending a link to something he would find interesting. Anything with a friendly question is good though as it makes clear you would like a response.

there is a balance on pursuit and distancing because its about the interaction of the two and i'm nowhere near wise or experienced enough to know where that sits.

anyway nothing needs to happen today so have a good one