Part 15 - a blue edz rising

[Sotto]

"I dont contact her so she pings me and when I respond she feels happier so stops again."

I think you've answered your own question there. She's making sure you'll still be her BF - and when she knows you will, she's all happy and goes away again.

What about your own boundary on this, because it's clearly bothering you. You've said you won't be BF's and that you will move on if your W doesn't want to reconcile. But you aren't moving on at this point, you're home alone on a Saturday night responding to 'crumbs' of contact and they are keeping you attached.

"If she doesn't want to deal with me why worry what I'm up to?"

Isn't that the same answer as above?

I have a question to ask. Let's say you and your W are never getting back together ok? And let's say you aren't jumping into a R with someone else for a while either?

What kind of weekend would 'single' Edz like to be having? How would he like to be spending his Saturday night and his Sunday? Would he like to be texting XW and wondering whether to wash the car or swim on Sunday?

Why not have a think about what you would want that 'life' to look like and set about creating it right now. I for one would love to see your W at home on a Sat night trying to make contact, and you not even noticing because you're too busy having some fun. Or your W already knows you're out that night and she won't even try to make contact. Then may wonder why she's sitting home alone when you're out having a nice time.

So in short Edz, I think some more GAL is the answer for you - Dim and GAL would be my suggestion. You say you're not initiating contact - that's fine. But you are keenly responding to it and and that may be keeping you a bit 'stuck.'

What new GAL activity could you add into your life? And (whilst I know you say you're an introvert) I think it needs to put you in touch with other new people - even if that's in a very low key way - where you can choose to chat or not (my bookstore GAL is a bit like that....and I can choose to go in or not at the weekend....very handy...)

Maybe you could shift your energies away from your W right now, and set about making the next weekend you have without your S one where you are doing a new GAL activity? I think it might do you (and maybe your sitch) the world of good. Just MHO - and maybe see what others think....but I'm just not sure that faithful, reliable Edz is the way to go right now...

Have a great day however you do decide to spend it....:-)