You do have some work to do if you are feeling like this. I'm re-reading DR at the moment, and it is helpful to go back to it. I read it in post BD crisis first time around abd this time it's more slowly and with pencil in hand.
These strong feelings you are holding onto only harm you my friend. Without looking back, have you read co-dependent no more? People seem to recommend that one, adn you do still seem pretty 'attached' to your W and struggling to 'accept' things. Acceptance may make a big difference to how you feel..
Why not come up with a plan that's all about you - about how you want to get from point A (your feelings now) to point B (how you want to be feeling.) And remember, none of that is about your XW. She will do what she will do. It's purely about your life going forwards and your own healing.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
