OK, latest update. I haven't been DBing to the letter, but what I'm doing seems to be working. W and I have talked quite a bit on the phone, text and gmail chat. My 180's have been to clean the house, dress nicely (business casual style), help more with the kids, be happier around my W, and to show confidence.
I've been gone for four days now on a business trip, but things are going as well as can be expected. I'm not usually the one to initiate contact, but have a few times. W has said she likes the new me and that I'm making her laugh again. I force myself to smile when I'm talking on the phone because I read somewhere that people can tell. I've been listening and validating. I purposely "choose" to be happy and hide how miserable I am inside. Additionally, I haven't been able to detach because the results so far have been positive.
One of the issues in the marriage was that she did EVERYTHING, cooking, cleaning, etc., while working a full time job. I had a assumed that since I made much more money, I was exempt from most chores. I did the manly stuff like take the garbage out, clean the garage. But, I never planned dates or put any effort into showing her that I truly cared. The more I do around the house, the more I realize she's been exhausted.
Yesterday, I asked if she'd be receptive if I planned a date (a big DB no-no). And she said she would. I made a reservation at a nice restaurant that is about an hour away and booked a nice hotel (in our recent talks, she said she loves staying at hotels). I also called a couple that is very close to us both who survived infidelity and are now, seemingly, the strongest couple we know to join us for dinner (the restaurant is located at a decent midpoint). I also called her Mom to see if she could watch the kids for the night. This is a huge 180, because I've never done this sort of thing (she always did). I'm both nervous and excited to see how this goes.
W has been mentioning that what we're going through has to be common and a lot of people have made it through and mentioned the couple I invited to dinner with us, ironically. Her tone is warm and she is laughing a lot, but she hasn't said "ILY," and I don't expect her to say it. I can just tell there's a lot of love left in there.
This could all be a smokescreen, but I'm legitimately convinced she's liking the new me. She's worried that I'll revert back to the way I was, which is understandable. Trying not to get too excited because the wounds are still raw. I get back Wednesday and we have another MC on Thursday.
Not sure what to make of this whole situation. Inside, I'm still dying from the "ILYBINILWY" talk we had a few weeks ago.
I know, not really DBing, but it seems to be working. Should I change anything?
M: 8 years, together 9 M: 41 W: 32 D 4, S 6 ILYBINILWY 2/10/15 2/14/15-2/22/15 Left home 4/5/15 Suspect A, Initiated Sandi's advice from WW thread 4/19/15 W asked for D
