Complex No. 6 - The turtle and the rabbit

[Complex]

You are right. In my head it's just not over before it's over. On one hand I want a clean cut so I can move forward faster. But the other hand outweighs significantly that I'm alright the way things are right now. I've been through enough and I've grown a lot already and I will keep growing and it doesn't get to me as much as it used to anymore.
Yes my mind is still circling, but not as much anymore. Right now I'm also feeling for all the people who's hearts got broken too additional to mine and I'll pray for them. During the last few weeks of soul searching I weirdly feel more committed to my marriage than ever. I see a scenario of reconciliation, I'm not convinced if my mind is not just making stuff up. But I learned a lot about love. I wasn't a good enough husband, I wasn't mature enough. But saying this I also notice that I am still way too hard on myself, bc I am a great person, I have a huge heart, I'm honest, authentic..there's not much at all not to be liked about me. If I continue to grow I'll be a great man to someone some day. SOMEONE and myself! But it's still a journey. One about myself first. I need to find my own happiness again. Because I feel like I lost it..and that it's still a long search. But I'm convinced I can find it again. I can't be the icing on someone else's cake if I don't have a cake (cake = happiness) myself. And W doesn't have a cake right now either where I could put my icing on (lol this sounded nasty).
Baking is not an art tho. It's a science! You just need the right ingredients and then you need to mix them with the right proportions. My oven is pre heated and I'm still gathering some of the ingredients.
Ok I'm getting a little sidetracked here. I'll eventually be fine, is what I was gonna say.

Today I'm going to the Spa with my boss and workers, a company treat for good performance in February. This is going to be fun. Then I'll work all night.
It's actually nice to have the condo myself. Complex home alone