So I have slowly been accepting a few things. My marriage has been over far longer than I was willing to accept, just the way it is and in typical fashion this guy was to stubborn to see it and let it go. Something I have had to work on, accepting defeat and letting go, accepting this all is out of my hands completely and its nothing I could ever fix. Over the past couple months this has been going on slowly and surely ... getting past fears, fears of becoming the man I was made to be, fear of setting out on my own and doing MY thing regardless. Mainly a fear of growing up. Its crazy how over the last year I have gone from wanting nothing more than my M and family back to where I am now ... a place where if that were to happen I am not so certain I would be all that happy, not now, not with W the way she is or even was.
1 more month till the move in date. Its funny, of all the things I am looking forward to it is the kitchen smelling of some food, and my happy a$$ taking a nap on my couch (Still have that its in storage, I miss that big brown beautiful love machine)
Last night W picked up S ... man she is looking rough and just ... Haggard defines it well. I load S and his backpack in ... open the door for her as I have always done every now and then I get the mini spew "You dont have to do this any more" ... I just shrug it off, sorry being a gentleman and opening a door bothers you. So I tell her to drive safe and she smiled at me, even the smile looked like it caused her pain. She is a mess and I actually just feel sorry for her, so lost and she tries anything to patch in the holes... just sad.
Since Thursday night she has asked to talk about S and something to do with school, I have told her when I would be available but seems she forgets, she brought it up again today. I let her know tomorrow morning would be fine .... if it were really important I think she would have said something by now, seems she is on this kick lately that they are not pressing S enough, its a great school and all the kids are ahead, granted S is really smart but I think W is pushing it a bit, and this would be a great way to find a big fight with me as I want him to enjoy being a kid, sure I want him challenged but I just do not feel he needs the pressure from her about it.
She TM this morning a pic of S, he was mad ... she was teasing him, it hit me ... she needs to be mean and tease people in her family, like she gets off on it .. S clearly was not happy, you have a strained R with S and you think picking on him makes it better? I understand why he was so happy to see me. This MLC thing ... I know its fairly rare, but man we need a big ol horse needle ... pop em in the a$$ with it ... talking cure people, lets find a cure ...lol.
Other than that all good here, Softball and Football are going ... S's baseball and my church class plus the DJ gig on Fridays leaves me with one night free and ... yup .. brace yourselves .. thats laundry night.
