W still having affair with OP #2

[4mendmj]

Thanks Toots, I mean it. I do sooo awesome for X # of days and then I trip upon something or a trigger happens that makes me so mad at W and I question what the heck I am doing. W had D6 last night till I got off work at 7pm and literally met me in the parking lot at my work to drop off D6 so W could go to OW's b-day party. Found out from D6 that D6 got drug around town after school to set up for the party and had literally not even had supper yet even though bedtime was 30 minutes away and we were not even home yet. I was so furious that W's own D was the least of her concern that I almost said something to W.

Instead I took a deep breath and tried to remember why I am doing this. Then I realized I don't even have a way to measure success right now as I am still in the same stinking limbo I have been in for months with zero progress. GALing is working much of the time. No cigarettes now in 2 weeks! Been swimming more and more, had a friend over last night at our house and we played board games while drinking beer which is something I would never do...me and board games or video games or whatever are not my style but boy I had fun and did something different. W will have no clue I even had a guy friend over let alone played board games but I sure enjoyed knowing I did something fun even though I was at home and D6 was asleep safe in bed.

I keep trying, I have zero clue whether she has even taken a peak. She is wicked smart and has not mentioned a single word about the nice outfits I am wearing or the cologne or the no smoking or anything...she keeps it all perfectly to the cuff. But dangit woman! Could you throw me a bone? Nope, I know, she isn't going to. I have to do it for me and if she takes a look, maybe she sees somethign she likes. I love some of your goal oriented ideas though Toots. Having quit smoking I am eating more right now so need to keep active to prevent weight gain from lack of smoking. Therefore quantifying a few pounds lost in March for example is a good goal I can set and then succeed at.

I sometimes feel I owe this board an apology for being pathetic. Starsky for example or reading Allen A's posts from days behind seems so stinking extremely confident and cut and dry and frankly this house wife of a hunsband has been kicked long enough that I don't have that spring in my step and I simply wonder on occasion what the He double hockey sticks I am doing.

Goal # 1, don't do anything stupid tomorrow because tomorrow is 1 year anniversary of BD. I have learned here not to react on emotion.

Goal #2 stay smoke free for all of March

Goal #3 lose 5 pounds in March so I weigh 245 by March 31.

Goal #4 do another new activity I have never done before once a week for the next 4 weeks (like the board game last night)

Goal #5 Get camper ready for the summer and pick a night where it is not too cold and have D6 and I sleep in there for fun to prepare for camping this summer.