Hi you guys. First off - I think these two stories are interesting in many many ways, and Jer, think you definitely need to discuss all of this with your IC.
Many of us who marry MLCers have got emotional damage which in some way is 'attractive' to the MLCer. I had a very happy childhood (unlke my xh) but a devastating tragedy in my teens which I didn't begin to deal with for many years. In fact I stuffed in down the back of the emotional sofa, and was encouraged to do so by all around me as a sign that I was OK. Their feelings mattered more to me than my own. Weird?? It seemed normal at the time!
So I was damaged goods when I met my xh. I think that if the tragedy had not occurred I wouldn't have married my xh - I would have seen his damage. As it was, we 'dysfunctioned' beautifully together for a long time. Not saying it was all dysfunctional, much of it was good and fine and amazing, but there was something there, I now see, that wasn't OK, that was a weakness in the foundation.
I am relating my own experience because it took me a long long time to realise that our spouses' MLC in our lives in not a coincidental or random happening. We did nothing to trigger it, and probably by our kindness and stability we held them together for a long time, but, and it is a big but, we were not OK ourselves.
Isn't it interesting that you two post such similar stories?
