Is it twisted to know that if they are not a "real" or "happy" r, it makes me feel better? I don't even want that. I just want to know that I am good and that is all that counts.
I don't get the sense that you want them to be unhappy in an unkind way. What MLC causes many of us to do is to doubt everything about ourselves. MLC behaviour is emotionally abusive because it belittles, trivialises and puts down the person who until that time had been the centre of the MLCer's life
It is cruel: all abandonment is cruel because it strikes at the heart of our security and sense of self.
How could a person who does that and a person who encourages it form a healthy and happy relationship?
I believe that woven into our mental DNA is a sense of story, a sense of justice, and a sense of the rightness of things triumphing.
It isn't naive, or childish - it is human
We can talk all we wish about owning our own feelings, workng on ourselves, letting go, and so on. Great mental disciplne, and it does help us. I am not disagreeing with this, about the need to own our own feelings. But it doesn't help our inner story in the short term. That is what we have to gradually reshape - and initially a triumphant self needs to triumph over the villain.
When we no longer define them as the villain, but as sad and damging people who damage others, we have reshaped it.
I am so glad that these good people stepped up to the plate for you both in the real and virtual world. You deserve this.
Recently my xh said how glad he was that there had been good people in my life!! No sh*t
