She's still down a bit, but not like she was. She wrenched a muscle or something in her torso so she's some pain. Nothing that painkillers and rest won't cure, though. She still spends most of her time lying in bed and posting on Facebook. Seems like there's one new physical pain after another. I'm sure her emotional stress is taking a physical toll as well. That and her obsessive exercise. She's always been pretty serious about her workouts, but more so during our sitch. Not really surprising. I don't think she's giving herself enough time to rest and heal. She tends to run herself into the ground with exercise. That's not new, she's always been that way. What good is it to have a nice body if you're in too much pain to do anything?
It's a strange dichotomy. I'm up. I feel the best I've felt in a long time. I have new drive at work, I'm exercising more (training for a marathon relay), I'm starting to build my side business. I have a direction for the first time in a really long time. I'm applying all this energy towards remaking life the way I want it. If there's anything good about my sitch, is that it finally got me off my butt. I'm incredulous at how complacent and lazy I got.
I try to share that with her, and she doesn't even hear it. That, or she gets resentful that I actually feel good about something. I ask her what she wants out of life. What are her goals and dreams? All she says is she wants to feel "connected" to someone. It's like she'll only feel complete if she has a fulfilling relationship.
That's not the strong, ambitious, independent woman I married. I'm not angry with her anymore, I feel sorry for her more than anything.
I don't even know how to talk to her anymore. I'm not pushing R talks; far from it. We haven't had one since last weekend. I'm just trying to figure out how to connect with her, to communicate with her in some way that's not just about our M.
For the time being I'll just sit back, do life the best way I can, and wait for her to want to talk. Be the best guy I can be, take the pressure off of her.
I'll try to take her out and do something this weekend, if she's feeling up to it.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
