Being around my mom and brothers has helped my PMA the last two days. We have had a lot of laughs! We have plans to go to my sisters tomorrow night for dinner and watch a movie.
I broke down twice today. I tried filling out the inventory of property form for the divorce and just couldn't do it. STBX had emailed me a form to sign while we were on our 3 day bus trip, I could not open the PDF with my phone, so I used my mom's computer today. One form was to waive my right to be served and waive my right to testimony. I have to find out about waiving the right to testimony, it's on the same form. Does anyone know what that means? I have no problem waiving my right to be served but waiving the right to testimony scares me.
When I saw the petition for divorce and she was changing her name I cried again. Why are emotions so raw now?
I found a letter in my briefcase that STBX wrote to me when she was in the psychiatric hospital in 2013. I read the first sentence and cried again. I don't even remember putting the letter in my briefcase and didn't realize what it was until I opened it and read the first sentence. It was all about how much she loved me and appreciated me.
I took a walk around the block to get out of the house and breathe some of the frigid ND air. I felt stronger emotionally after the walk. I reminded myself I cannot try to make sense out her actions, I'm a kind hearted man, I can make people laugh, I will get in better physical shape and I will get through this. Someday I will be a man the some lady will be lucky to have!
