Confused

[Joe46]

Thank You Sandi. My children that are still living with me are what is tearing me up inside. I came here to fight for my marriage and learn about divorce busting. But right now I am really considering talking to a lawyer. We had a good day today. I felt like me old self. It was like we used to be today. We have had several good days together lately. But the day always ends with us heading back home and her starting her job at night. I had the chance to think alot on the way home because she was sleeping. I thought about what has happened to my marriage since this job has come into our lives. I think my wife has told little white lies earlier in our marriage. But it has turned into her lying constantly. Sandi, you asked if I had checked her stuff online before this job, no I never had a reason to. I am wondering if things were to change and she woke up tomorrow and said I am done with that job, if I could ever trust her again. I agree with you, I am beginning to think she is addicted to this job. And to add to her addiction, she gets paid well.

I came from a divorced home. I spent a good part of my life in trouble and drinking. I know something about addictions. I have been sober for 20 years this month. My sister is still messed up and a terrible alcoholic. Heck, my wife know about divorce and what it has done to her kids. She divorced her husband because he was cheating on her. I have seen the pain her kids went through. I have been there to comfort them and talk to them. I believe in my heart that had I have been a good father to them. I struggled. Sometimes I wondered what I got myself into. But I stuck with them all because I loved them.

I am struggling on what to do. I won't have my truck back for a couple weeks, so I am kinda stuck here. I have been staying in my room alot. Reading and thinking. I have decided to kinda go dark right now. I can not pretend nothing is wrong. I think she would be happy if I just accept the situation so she can keep her job and go to her fantasy world every night. But I am not made that way. She can keep doing what she is doing, but I have to much self respect to just sit and take it. It is against my morals and beliefs. What would happen if this got out in our little town. Not only would people be talking about her, what about our kids. It could very easily get out once my stepson starts staying with us. He is 19. He is not dumb. If he finds out, he will tell his girlfriend and than it will be out.

I was thinking of writing a letter giving her a choice. Quit the job and find a normal one and work on our marriage. Or keep the job, but do it from somewhere else. I don't want it in my house. I don't want any more lies! I did not get married to go through this stuff! I want to be with someone that is honest, puts their family first and has values. She used to be that way! What happened?
Sorry for the long post. Venting again.