Went to the conference today. Went well, I think. The first thing that she told me (tears in her eyes) was that she didn't want me to hate her and that she wanted to be my friend. I told her that I didn't hate her. Throughout the conference, we joked and whispered and laughed to each other - which I'm sure seemed a bit strange to the other couples there to learn about the divorce process. It seems to me that dividing our assets and parenting time doesn't have to be a point of contention between us and that we won't need any kind of mediation. Afterwards, she asked if I wanted to get lunch. We rode together and talked about our son. It was kind of like old times. She showed me this little restaurant downtown that she said she thought I would like - and she was right.
I love her still. I'll love her until the day I die. It hurt to be around her and not hold her hand, to sit next to her without putting my arm around her. I thought that I could bury it all deep down but it was apparent to me the whole day. After I dropped her off at her car (it was snowing hard) - she got out and we said goodbye. When I was safely out of sight - I cried. I haven't been able to cry for nearly two months but it all came out today.
I know that this divorce is what she wants. There is no way for me to stop it. I can't control her actions. Hell, I don't even deserve another chance. It just feels terrible. I wish I was angry - but I just feel empty.
It's tough to admit but I really just miss physical contact. I want to be held. I know that's not a masculine thing to admit - but that's just what I feel today.
Last edited by lnlyshp; 02/28/1503:58 AM.
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
