Mozza (10) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

Thanks everyone! You've helped me to improve my response. Here's the final version, in which I removed the middle paragraph, validated and validated some more.

I understand that it saddens you. I made these plans simply because it's my week-end with them and it's her birthday. We do what we can in the situation we're in. At other times, it might be possible to accommodate, like I did for your father's visit and your summer holidays.

If it's a day off from school, maybe you could take her to the office with you? I did it once before Christmas. She was so happy. She just sits there to read and draw.

Well, now it looks too kind, if that,s possible. It pains me to be the one giving her yet another solution to be happy, to bond with D6 in this case. I did it as a show of good will.

Personally I think the middle paragraph will come across as sarcastic. The last sentence of that paragraph IS making her feel guilty about it.

jim0987 - Are you back under moderation? Your post appeared long after it was posted, after I had replied. In any case, I saw it in time and it was one of the factors in removing the middle paragraph, where I was paraphrasing her. By the way, I think sarcasm is also a matter of tone and trust. The same thing, said in a loving manner between people who trust each other will go over well. I thought it might be something for you to reflect on, given that you tend to blame your sarcasm in part for your S. Perhaps you appeared or were sarcastic because of a breach of trust, so the sarcasm wouldn't be a cause but a consequence of your M problems. It's pretty typical of Nice Guys to go in roundabout ways to get what they want (in this case, pushing your W away).

Well - I'm just going to throw this out here - the reason I mentioned potentially accommodating her on future birthdays is not for her - it is in fact for the kids.

I don't think that there's any harm to the kids beyond what the S did to them. My final phrasing leaned towards future accommodation nevertheless, but certainly not suggesting that I'd check with her. In this case, my plans are much more fun than sticking in town so that D6 can spend an hour with her mom with whom she will have just spent the week. And my idea of taking D6 to work is rather good, if I may say so myself.

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One thing about my personality that came out in this draft email: I tend to make a blind move when I'm stuck and overwhelmed. I learnt that about myself while playing chess and I'm not very good at it for that reason. Over time, I learnt to identify when this reflex kicks in and the paraphrasing above was one such thing. What if I tell her a piece of my mind, what would happen? Perhaps it's better not to know for now...

Th DB Solider soldiers on! I walk the line.