Hey Jer! Hmm... interesting when something strikes a chord, huh? That's some good diggin! I know when I do some digging... sometimes it is really hard. I cringe a lot. But, facing this stuff head on is great! I would think it is a great idea to bring up in ic. Hey, you never know what you will get! Maybe just talking bout it will bring a sense of peace. Or, it will guide you to dig a little further.
My parents divorced, but... my sitch was a little different. My mom was a child of an alcoholic. My dad wasn't, but dealt with some serious "issues" from his dad (whom I loved dearly and didn't know about this "issues" until I was older.... they lived in the south), but his dad was in WWII and gone for 5 years facing serious stuff. Anyway, my dad became an alcoholic and I think it progressed around the same age as you were when your dad left.
My parents separated, got back together, divorced for 10 years and are now remarried. I REALLY wonder if my dad dealt with MLC. ANyway... not totally sure why I am hijacking to share... but... I understand. Things were different in my r with my dad. I kind of just wrote him off. But I know he tried in his own way the best he could. But I did talk to an IC about it a few years ago. He told me that if the r is fixed in adulthood and good, that we have the ability to just let it go.
I do have a great r with my dad now. We get along very well. I know he would do anything in the world for me. But I can also tell you that we do not get that personal or emotional at all. He is spiritual (as his independent recovery- he did alone!), but that is it. He loved my husband as a son. He would even tell him he loved him and didn't say that to my brothers. He has not spoken a word to me about my xh. He just can't go there. So he's not in MLC, if he ever were.. but that part just isn't addressed.
I dont' think this really helped you... I'm realizing... but, I guess to sum it up.. you are digging and heading in a good direction. Facing things that are and can be difficult to face. And when we look at it at face value- how it affects our lives today, it can be shocking, embarrassing, and.... a little shameful. At least for me. BUT! That is the amazing part.. to see it, acknowledge the impact and learn from it. Use it to make us grow.
OK, Jer... I think I have embarrassed myself enough here. Keep going. Keep doing the work, and YES! discuss it with your ic. It is a great opportunity for growth.
You are doing amazingly well. Good for you! Keep it up.
