Obviously, because my dad isn't in touch emotionally, trying to talk to him about this as a way to explore it in more depth is not really an option...
Maybe I can talk to my mom about it... Maybe she has some insight into this that can help me -- she has been on the front row watching my relationship with my dad for my entire life and her perspective will obviously be different from mine -- perhaps more objective than mine...
I think, because my dad left my mom and I was the oldest child, I've always desperately wanted his approval -- to know that he approved of ME... who I am... what I do... my abilities, knowledge, personality, etc... I don't immediately recall him ever criticizing me, but I also don't ever remember him being overly generous with statements of approval (can't recall many "Great job!" "So proud of you!" types of comments) so maybe it's more of an absence of those kinds of comments that led me to a sense or feeling of being criticized by him? Combined with possible issues around thinking he left because of me... I was 5 when they divorced -- prime age for thinking it was all about me...
Just more thoughts on this... could be totally off on this, but getting a very strong feeling that I'm digging into something really critical here for my own growth and progress...
And at least I'm really focusing on myself now and not my W :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
