barely holding on - 7

[u-turn]

Thanks Peter - I think you are right with all of this (you really summed it up nicely). I don't know why this is hard for me to say and do though (it seems like I have jumped higher hurdles). I do need to lead this because I see the troubles being swept under the rug again.

I haven't spoken about the painful place I have been to her. I don't know if she is ready or wants to hear about that. I would like to talk about that with her and also talk about her feelings and how we can move forward.

But I know that if I am going to start trusting, I need something real. The letter will be a huge telling point. I don't know how she will react. I think she will be agreeable to transparency (though I don't trust that so much).

I am going to have this conversation this weekend. I plan on telling her that:

I know that you said that you ended it with OM and that is big step for you and us. If you are recommitting to our marriage, I need to be reassured of this. I want you to write a NC letter to him to declare this affair over and tell him of your reestablished commitment to your husband and family. I want to see this letter before it is sent. This is both to help me regain my confidence in us and for you to have closure. I also want to be equally transparent with each other. Lies and secrets were feeding this problem and I would like that to end.

(I think that I sound like a controlling needy prick)