May your

[Ggrass]

I'm looking at the sitch just because of the tv show and the whole nvc.

In a way it was my choice to stay, as I thought the rewards were worth it. Really a very jackel thing.

I put up with the rubbish, because h used to dangle just enough carrot. Just enough.
It was my patterns of behaivours and what I would tolerate with excuses was why what happened happened.

H expected me to fill his narc type needs, which I did, by using punishments and the very occasional carrot.

It me trying to understand how to change the future. What I specifically did, how I was which begot the whole mess. That's excatly the point, what I did, what I do.

H stuff I was saying to someone last night his script of what happened with his w1 and was exactly the same, excatly. Trust me even down to the words h uses.

He considers people used up. Dirty and empty shells.
Now, I dint want to be caught up in at again.
I wasn't a total jackel, but I'm pretty sure I'm very close at times.

H saw judgmental statements as a problem, but h too was very judgemental.
I was always looking to find out what was going on and fix needs, but h voiced needs as jackel.

You don't love me because you spend time doing xyz.
Which was anything h didn't think you should do.
I was expected to give up those things, instantly (control) to prove my worth thus be provided with a crumb.
We might go to dinner with h paying. Thus h then kept score I went to dinner therefore you should..,.......
It became a big cycle.