Susana (6) - Feelin' Stronger Every Day

[gogofo]

Here is another male perspective.

The first time you made love was all about pleasure and getting off and control. I too aim to please and give more in bed and for me it is a control thing; I like to know I can use my body to make a woman go crazy. It is also an ego boost to know that you can get a woman off in different ways. I think your first time was all about the physical and the forbidden fruit. He was drunk and wanted to get physical pleasure and feel like a man.

This latest episode I think is about love and caring. The kissing is a VERY big deal. I definitely noticed when my W would avoid kissing me when we made love, and it was a sign that something was off (hello EA). Not to be blunt but, prostitutes do not kiss and if they do it costs extra. No I am not calling you a prostitute, I am using it as an example of the difference between sex and making love.

I have a tender heart and I enjoy making love WAY more than having sex. To me sex is almost meaningless without love. I saw a lot of myself in your last two ML sessions with your husband.

My take is this. He was drunk and wanted to f@#k the first time, many men feel this way after drinking. After that I think his heart opened up to emotions and has seen a kinder gentler DB version of yourself.

The second time he wanted to have the emotional and physical connection of making love. I would assume he was less focused on getting you off and more focused on the shared experience. Lots of kissing and eye contact and more loving gestures.

The I don't want to be a dick part? I would interpret it as his insecurities manifesting and not wanting to be seen as using you as a sex toy. The thoughts I would be having would be the feeling of emotional closeness and vulnerability about having sex again and not wanting it to be seen as only purely physical. I would want my W to know that sex means more than just physical pleasure. But these are my feelings. I always felt sex was easy anyone can have it, making love is special and meaningful and not everyone gets to experience it.

I would wager to say he will back off into his cave again and seem confused. His heart should be open ever so slightly more to emotional connection and he may start to ask you or give you hints about wanting to know how you feel emotionally about the sex. Last time he was excited he got you off, this time he may want to know that there was an emotional connection there as well. He will probably be mulling this over in his head as he zones out in front of a TV. Give him space to figure it out and let him be.

The I love living with you comment. My guess would be he is a typical male and states what immediately seems to be what he likes, living with you. He probably hasn't gone deeper in his thoughts as to WHY he loves it. Remember we speak from different planets. I would take this as a positive sign. Men like the feeling of comfort. It looks to be a sign that the road back is getting smoother and smoother.