I thought everything was okay....(Part 4)

[MCS]

V,

As I was writing that yesterday, I pretty much knew you were going to say what you just did, concentrate on MCS. As far as the role she took as a teenager, I agree it was selfless and mature. That is the character of the person that I've known for 15 years. My statement about her feeling overwhelmed was she said she felt that way in our M. The comparison I stated to her mom was that I'm guessing that when her parents got D, her mom felt that way (too overwhelmed) and withdrew from her kids in which my W picked up the 'motherly' pieces. It seems as if W has done the same thing. Got overwhelmed and withdrew into her own world over the last year. It doesn't matter, just I can empathize with her sitch.

I don't know what it was about our MC session the other day, but writing this now is different than before. Before, I wanted to be 'part' of her journey through this, now I'm just 'observing' what I think the journey is. I feel bad for her in a 'TV movie' kind of way, you understand the plight and the struggles; but sitting on the sideline with no ability to help. It's no longer taxing on me and consuming me like it was before.
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For me, I think the main thing is that I know I'm going to be just fine in all of this. I'm not bearing the responsibility that I once was for her actions. They are hers, period. I look back and our marriage was normal and fine. She chose this path and chose to keep me out of trying to deal with her struggles. I guess for me, the attempt for justification of the sitch now in my mind is that I'm struggling to give 'myself' a timeline for her to work this stuff out.

I care for her and want to wait it out for our relationship, because we had something good. I see clearly that she tried to deal with her struggles on her own while we were together and I think this path is a cheese-less tunnel for her. The rejection is not weighing on me too heavy for some reason. However, the kids are what keeps me patient. Its not that I think we should get back together for the kids, but the kids are bolstering my patience to wait it out and not move on.

As far as the kids, I change my tune a little at MC this week and told her I was going to take them to counseling and didn't ask her. We had them come to our MC one week and it was pretty uneventful, but I need someone that can build a rapport with them. Their issues are not being interjected into their personalities and most of their interactions, but they talk to me about their feelings when they get comfortable mostly before bed.