I would add that in the first marriage, I was afraid of angering the first wife.
In the current marriage, I let her get as angry as she wanted some days. In her family of origin, anger was the safe emotion and she's very quick to anger. Sometimes I could get her to come down and other times it mushroomed.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.