Wife says she's out the door

[Sherman333]

Me too.

I'm 45, my wife is 43. Same birthday even. I know this is a bit jumbled, but I'm still processing a lot of it.

Circumstances 9 years ago was a sexless marriage coupled with depression. I have a tendency to "turtle up" and withdraw when faced with some issues I don't know how to deal with. My dad demonstrated the same behavior.

With my current wife, she got very depressed during the pregnancy with our son, gained weight, got laid off, went to school, got jobs she hated. She took out a lot of her angst/anger on me, so I did my own thing. But when she started reaching back out, I didn't catch it. I've been pretty annoyed with her and how she treated me and the kids. She said that she's only like that with me... which isn't quite true. One of her PRs mentioned the lashing out behavior as well.

We're at least talking again. Previous times I brought stuff up it always resulted in an argument. So there are some pluses.

She told me that she's done "fighting" for us. That it's on me, that she also stated that she know's she's asking me to run a marathon and that I haven't trained. She loves me, but isn't in love with me, etc. We've lost the attraction along the way.

She wants me more confident and to take charge of the things she's asking for. She appreciates the history we have, but describes as a ghost just realizing they're dead.

Some of it I could kick myself for and others I know it's more spew on her part.