Wife says she's out the door

[Sherman333]

This is my 2nd marriage and I repeated a few of the sins from the previous one. We've been together for a little over 7 years. We have a 6 yr old son and an 8 yr old foster child living with us. Our foster child's parent rights were just terminated a few weeks ago and we'd originally expressed interest in adoption, but now I'm not sure what to do.

My wife got depressed and VERY angry for years. She blames me for everything that was bad... I guess it's typical. Says we only a 3 good months before she got pregnant and everything went downhill from there. While she was depressed, I tried what I knew to reach out and do things, but was constantly rebuffed and yelled at. I took care of my self emotionally, but not physically. I got up to 265lbs. I've been working hard on dropping the weight and am now 225lbs as of this morning. My biggest sin is I withdrew emotionally from her during all this and she felt alone. I also had an issue last spring where I was flirting with someone through email and she found out. Nothing happened beyond the racy flirting, but it didn't help. I was struggling with all this then and even thought about what it would meant to be single again. I decided that I wanted my marriage last year, but didn't really do anything to change things. I missed a huge opportunity and I'm not sure how soon I'll be able to forgive myself. Hindsight is 20/20.

The catalyst was a new job where she feels respected, valued, etc. This caused her to go back to working out dropping weight. looking better, demanding we get her new clothes (starting right after Christmas) that made us go over our checking balance 3 times now. She's making herself the priority because she doesn't feel I ever did. We've argued about money... previously when she was a size 10, she'd go out and spend $500 on clothes she said she hated without us having budgeted for it and it would always put us in a bind and we'd argue. I always wanted her to buy stuff as she needed it, but she never did it that way.

Anyway, she recently took a work trip and when she got back, she says she's just done. She loves me, but there's no chemistry, no passion, etc. She says sex with me has always been terrible and never satisfying. With my weight it made me too small (I'm average) and it was disgusting to be with me.

She says she's out the door and just wants to make sure that we'll be ok. She's still wearing her rings and sleeping in our bed.

Over the last week there was some progress, but last night the social worker came by for a visit. It caused her to feel guilty when we explained the situation and my wife was accusing me of doing it. It was very emotional for me and I slipped on saying a few things and they were accusatory (how could you do this to our son, if you love me how can you do this, blah, blah). The night didn't go well. She's angry with me now for not wanting the divorce too. And loosing weight now vs. when she was yelling at me.

I've probably done a few more stupid things. Right now I feel pretty down on myself and like a ball of need. It's hard to keep my wits about me.

There's more to the story of course, but I need to get the kids ready for school in a few minutes.