Part 14 - Contents may flip without warning

[edz]

Morning all

Hi Jim, yes I said that just above, in fact in her mind before then. Thats what I mean about "the end" above. I suppose its a case of we've had a stage of getting warmer albeit at fractured intervals and what she's done in that time doesn't tally with what she's said.

Yes I'm normally happy with what will be will be I think I'm just frustrated at wanting to not be alone all the time anymore after 7 months but feeling bound by the requirement to be sure I "did everything". Yes I know and I do honestly accept she left me, in my head its not her saying " ok pay attention this is a last chance" she genuinely decided were done but then she stopped before taking anything further deeds of sep, d filing nothing. She could have argued unreasonable behaviour in a way due to my depression and there's not a lot I could have done but she talked to me instead often.

The question is is that because she still wants her friend even after I've said right now I can't do that because I can't separate being a friend and loving her or because she sees a possible future. Thats what's twisting me.

As I posted yesterday it's all just my fear winning a skirmish, I feel better today after a good day with s and some sleep. There'll be more battles ahead regardless of w's discussions, work to be done on a repairing relationship or on creating a new one and the fear thats going to bring.

Just one day at a time.

Starting the day in a minute as its lie in central here today exercises and shower then breakfast for s and then shops for trunks for him and then swimming (amidst complaints on a day with few games and screens )

Who knows what else it will bring, need to face that with curiosity not fear again and I can get back to being ok with it all again.

Thanks all