I am trying to figure out how to say this without it sounding judgmental. This is certainly a most serious problem here. Do you suspect that your W has conducted this type of lifestyle before you met her? I called it a lifestyle b/c this is not just a job. Don't get mad when I say this, but being very honest, isn't what she's doing verbal prostitution? Anytime a person has to hide their job or keep it a secret from their grown children b/c of the immoral nature involved....then there is something going on deep inside her. And even if that conduct did not compromise her own values/principles, it has now crossed the line in her M. It has gone too far, even in the sense of it being "just a job" like she claims it is. She has put it before her M, and before family. What mentally healthy spouse wouldn't have a problem with what it entails? and now when you tell her you don't like it, she won't give it up. I don't buy any of the reasons she gives you. None!

If this was nothing but a job to her, why would it be necessary for her to have a separate bedroom and completely stop having sex with her H? Joe, it is not money that is motivating her actions. It is not b/c she wants to have her own job, truck, etc. This "job" has taken over her life! You can see it, right?

It is serious! And these things you've pointed to yourself and said you should have been better? It doesn't justify this conduct she has chosen to participate in, I say that not to keep score between you. I just don't think you should take the fall for her decision to be a sex phone operator. Now, it has run over into other email accounts, other phone accounts, and all the free time she wants......and labels it "the job".
I am so sorry for all of you. No good can come from this.

I shoot straight from the hip, so I am going to tell you that I don't believe the perfect H could pull her out of this, b/c I don't believe that is what led her into it. Did you ever have occasion to check out her online activity before this job ever started? could you have done better? Sure, we all could say that about ourselves. She chose this line of work, and I think she is/was already addicted. And that is how this will need to be dealt with.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!