Life 2.0 Pt 6

[NH115]

No argument there.

I think your W has this attitude of sitting back and finding everything that isn't working, while saying, "Okay, if you think you can change mymind, then you prove otherwise". Then you try to point out various times things took place, and she shruggs it off b/c she didn't have the same feelings.

If you are making headway with not having R talks so much, then I suggest you up the challenge by not trying to convince your W that things are working out. I mean, if her mind is set, why is it your job to make her think differently to how she determines her own thought pattern? Encouragement is one thing, but after a time it seems more like trying to control what one thinks. So, fire yourself from that job. It may be hard for you to see, but it really is pointless to keep this up.

Hasn't this very issue of you trying to change her viewpoint led to heated arguments? I think you need to be the one to shrugg off her negative statements about the MR. Let it go, and let her think however she wants. She's going to, anyway.

I think you're right. She'll even admit in her more lucid moments that she's probably allowing the bad times in our M to cloud her memory of the good times.

We haven't been having R talks this week. Maybe we did last weekend, I can't remember. She stills spends too much time in our room on FB in my opinion, but posting photographs is one of her creative outlets (she's a really good photographer), so if it keeps her happy (or at least sane), who am I to criticize? I could tell she was distracted last night, but I know better than to ask how she's feeling. We talked about a few non-R things, and she seemed to brighten up a bit. Seems to me like not having R talks is taking some pressure off of her.

Her rhetoric is more about feeling lost and disconnected, rather than having intense feelings towards anyone else. She says (and demonstrates) that she's largely past any anger she felt for me earlier in our sitch. I've been trying to walk the line between not trying to point out that things are better than they appear (I agree this isn't effective) and sounding glib or dismissive. She did start to talk on the phone yesterday about feeling anxious, for no particular reason, about our situation. My statements to her were along the lines of "this situation will not last forever", "we will figure things out", and "our relationship will be what it needs to be".

Wonka once told me: "Be the OW to the OW." I thought that was a perfect way to look at it. I know that's easier for women than it is for men who are trying to re-attract their female spouses

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I agree. I haven't made this statement before, mainly b/c I don't how to explain it. However, I am going to say it now. I believe it is probably easier for the woman to reattract the man than for him to reattract her, b/c of the differences in their make-up.

No doubt about that. Even though my W has not been acting very attractively lately, she knows it wouldn't take a heck of a lot of effort to get my attention, though I don't tell her that. Me making that emotional connection with her, that's a little tougher.