Don't tell her, DO something to protect your boundary. Like if she is using the phone to continue the A then stop paying for the phone. She comes in late, install an alarm (got that from Starsky, love it). She chats online with OM, cancel internet. If she wants it she can do it herself, why should you facilitate the A. It's not controlling, it's making a boundary that shows you're serious. If you say "if you don't do what I say I will do this to you" that is controlling. But if asked what happened to the internet service you can say "you were using it to continue the A and I'm not paying for that. You can pay for it if you want"
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5