Yep, Bea's right about "letting themselves off the hook"...I will put it in another way. It is a way to assuage themselves of the guilt of their A's. They know they're wrong about the affair, but won't let go.
So they want you to do the same so they're not the bad guy.
Stick to your guns and say, "No. Dating is not appropriate when I am in a committed relationship with children as a family unit."
Throw out some choice truth darts is okay to do with the MLCer.
Yeah -- i didn't use the exact words that you used but did say that I'm not ready to even think about that yet and it's too soon for me. Mentioned something about it being not healthy in my opinion and that my focus needs to be on me and our family right now. I think I can follow up by saying I've thought more about our TM conversation and feel that it isn't appropriate for me to date or get involved with anyone else right now.
She needs to feel guilty about this. It helps that her mother has also acknowledged the A to her (even though W denied it to her mom) -- referring to it as a "rebound" that started before W and I were "done" which is not healthy or appropriate, and telling her that she sees it as a pattern in W's relationships over the years. W of course blew all of that off in their discussion... But I trust that, like everyone here says, that the MLCer does hear everything being said to them right now -- and that if we are lucky they do recognize it and process it later on down the road.
Time will only tell if that happens in my W's situation.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
