Sometimes lately, I wonder if I set the bar too low in my marriage. I never expected to be happy all the time. I always expected there to be rough patches and low points. And I think that made me too accepting when things started to go south.
And here's where I struggle a bit. When did things really go bad? STBX had started to emotionally disconnect a bit from the time he became a cop. He formed these really intense friendships with his fellow officers and that seemed to chip away at our bond a bit. But I still have to say we were happy.Things really got bad when he started the first affair. It was like a light switch went off - the change in his behavior was so dramatic. As it happened - this coincided with the decision to move out here - so I attributed all the weird behavior towards all the stressors associated with that move (and who knows - the affair and the move may be related). I guess I put up with all that weirdness for way too long, because I thought all marriages go through rough patches. Every once in a while I would ask him what was wrong and he always said work/sleep etc. And STBX never once said "I am unhappy and this isn't working for me" until the day he left.
You know, I'm a major old movie buff. One of my favorites is "The Best Years of Our Lives". There's a scene where the adult daughter is contemplating becoming an OW, and while she tries to explain herself to her parents, she accuses them of having it easy and of always having been crazy about each other. And Myrna Loy tells her how untrue that is, about how many times they said "I hate you" to one another and really thought they meant it, and all the times she thought about leaving. But they got through it all.
I'm embarrassed to admit this, but maybe I just assumed that we would naturally fall into being Myrna Loy and Frederic March in a piece of fiction.
