barely holding on - 7

[PeterV2]

I think if she's intent on reconciling then you owe it to both of you to be honest and tell her that you've been in a very painful place over the past year and that the trust that you once shared has been undermined to the point that you are having a hard time believing this positive movement.

You are afraid that you will put all your faith back into the marriage only to have it shattered - something that would certainly be an emotional disaster for you.

So you need some reassurance that W's intentions are genuine. What you need to feel reassured is for W to send a NC letter/email to OM to declare the finality of the A, and you'll need total transparency on all your W's actions, which means sharing her phone, letting you know where she is and who she's with.

I know it may seem a little over the top but you may not even look at her phone or need to know where she is, it's just her willingness to share that info that gives you reassurance.

And your need for this would decrease as time went on and the trust between you begins to rebuild.