You have been getting some good advice. A lot of your focus remains on your H. Specifically identifying his issues (his drinking, anger and depression). I am sure it has played a role in your sitch.
Here's the thing. It is always easier to find faults in others. I am challenging you to look within, to identify and address the areas where you contributed to the demise of your M/R. I gather from reading this thread, that control might be one of those areas? Also, please don't tell him he needs help. That will make him defensive, and push him away.
I realize that you and your H aren't working on your M, so some of them you are unable to correct at this time. You can validate, as has been suggested.
Another challenge for you, is to envision what Mary's happy world looks like, independent of your H. You have to make that place your destination. Why? Because your happiness is your responsibility, and happy people are attractive(not chemically happy either). How is your GAL going?
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
