So, I know I've not been around much. I'm reading threads but feel unqualified to provide advice. I feel like my head is in a good place but I have no idea how to hold onto it and I feel like it's very fleeting.
I got a text earlier this week from stbx about "the talk". It's scheduled for this Friday. I told him today that I didn't want to have this chat in the house just because I feel like I have enough memories of conflict in the house. He said he understood but hoped there would be no conflict. I agreed but I also know that the magnitude of what we'll talk about is bound to bring disagreement.
I feel mostly prepared. I'm not afraid to walk out. I'm not afraid to say what I want. I will not lash out and treat him the way he has treated me in the past. I refuse to stoop to that level of gracelessness. Deep down I want him to know how much he's hurt me but I am also very aware that at this point, it just doesn't matter. I feel little resentment because I just want to look forward.
I hope that doesn't mean I'm not dealing with something in the past, not facing something important.
Strangely, this bigger issue right now isn't our impending divorce, it's D7s behavior and testing. Stbx and I are doing a great job of being flexible with schedules regarding visitation, etc., communicating about her troubles and tactics to work through them with her, making time for her to see the other parent if she or the parent needs a hig, to tell a story, etc.
I see that as real success and I'm hoping that's an indication of his diminished resentment, increased reliability, and HOPEFULLY sane thinking as we move forward toward divorce.
