Thank you so much. Your post really means a lot to me. I just cant seem to snap out of this. And it is really starting to take a toll. I mean, I think I am getting better, then I don't know what happens to me.
A lot of things are really frustrating me. Including him with his superficial parenting. Acts like he is taking care of everything. (For example, apparently he called the school today bc the bus has been late p/u kids at d14 bus stop. It is freezing out. I didn't even know anything about it. I heard her on the phone with him. He sees her at the bus stop when he takes s18 to school.) Anyway, I'm not at all upset that he called, its just that makes him feel like dad of the year.
Then w/ s18 yesterday, and xh letting him do things after I built up the stamina to call xh and let him know what was going on. He said he would take care of it and let s18 do what I said he couldn't do bc of the disrespect s18 had shown me. That ticks me off. I was so mad about it, I couldn't even talk about it. He swoops in here and there to take them to the movies, let them do what they want, guilt crap... blah, blah, blah....
At least I get my kids. We do have fun together. It has just been a trying time. But, I do think that the three of us do recognize our good times together- and appreciate them.
OK, man did I digress...
So, job, thank you very much. You have been steadfast with your support, compassion, and wisdom. It is very appreciative.
I don't know if being weepy is part of the anger or not, but I feel that too! That's not so normal for me.
I do feel a little better. I am glad to not really have contact. Sometimes it can be difficult, and I would subconsciously question it. Now I think, that if I still allowed him to come around and talk to me... things wouldn't be any different. He would be taking advantage of me. Using things at the house, "acting" friendly, but still spend the night there. No thanks.
As I was leaving for work this morning... trudging through the snow to get to my car. Xh had just arrived at bil to get ready for work (blah). I was thinking about how little responsibility he has. I mean, I know he is "dealing" with a lot. And I am sure hww has him getting up with the baby through the night (I notice he stays there all the time since hww is back at work), and.... lemme count the times xh got up with both of my kids.... um... hold on... give me a sec.... umm.. oh. Easy. None.
See how easily I digress! OK, so... Mr. Responsibility. I mean.. really, he grabs food wherever it is available. He does not have to shovel or do any of that kind of house work, he just kind of exists. You know.. .the two mortgage guy, with no permanent home. Well.. I am just glad that I am no longer allowing him to take advantage of me. Nope. I made his lunches for him every day last year, even after he moved out (bc he came to the house to p/u s18). I realized after, I was still making them for him around the time hww got pregnant. AND! I was doing it for awhile when he moved into bil!
During a conversation once, I asked him if hww made his lunches for him. He said no. He told me that she didn't make a lunch bc, "She would never eat that stuff." He would make his own and she would eat out every day. (Yes, and he "financially f-ed her" Honestly, she is set financially. Her x gives her more than enough to cover their mortgage, her mom babysits for free, she gets support from xh, and she has a decent paying job. But, she is constantly harassing both of them for more $) Oh well...none of that bothers me. Just a fun fact for the day.
I have to make a few more arrangements for the vaca next month. I will work on that this week or weekend. I plan on taking the cupboards down in the kitchen this weekend, too. The roof is actually starting to leak in the "finished" yet soon to be "gutted" part of the kitchen. I mean... like all over. It isn't even an old roof. It's fairly new. OMG. It's just humorous at this point... right?????
Oh man, I feel like I am all over the place tonight.
