WAW-- LRT in action

[SadDood]

Sandi, I think that I've been disrespectful in dismissing her complaints in the past. My tone has certainly been derogatory several times and I can be a petulant child often. I always get my way. She has complained often over the years and I was always concerned about myself and getting my way. I don't think I did it intentionally, but I was very moody.

Here is an update. Wife didn't necessarily ask for a D, when she said she wasn't in love with me and couldn't see herself ever being in love with me again, I asked her if she wanted a D. She hesitated and responded Yes. One of her friends told me that she felt like I coerced that answer from her.

On Monday, we went to our first MC session. I didn't find it particularly helpful, but W sited several examples of me being disrespectful, absent, or just plain being a jerk. I didn't really have much to say other than acknowledge every example as true. The MC asked if we'd be willing to commit to a timeframe to work on the marriage in earnest. We both agreed to 3 months. We have another appointment next week. I think W was just thrilled to get me to MC after all these years of hounding me. My communication skills are wretched and I don't think I ever truly acknowledged her voice in matters. I really do bear a lot of the responsiblity. After MC we went to lunch and W was extremely sweet, she was still shaking. We had a great conversation about everything and rated the MC, but didn't discuss OR. I felt really good about everything and it wasn't really as bad as I had expected.

Later that evening, after the kids were bathed and asleep, we each drank a few glasses of wine and spoke casually. A lot of the edge in her stance was dulled. We went to our room and she intimated that I respect her privacy (Mental and physical). I agreed to stay on my side of the bed. Before long, I felt her leg caressing mine and she made a move. We ML and it was fantastic. We snuggled after and awoke like nothing was amiss.

The next morning, I asked how she felt. She said she felt bad... and felt bad about feeling bad. We texted and talked throughout the day. It's very gradually getting better. I know she loves me and I now have hope.

She was cold the next evening, trying to re-establish boundaries, which I honored. I'm away on a business trip now and she has been texting me all day and apologizing about making it "weird" last night.

I honestly don't think there is OM, but I'm not ruling anything out. I really do think she wanted me to get help for my depression and mood swings and this was the only way she could ever get me to go. Since getting on the lexapro, I've felt better than I have in years. I have motivation to exercise and my confidence is through the roof (compared to a week ago). I've been dressing very nice and cleaning the house, organizing, doing dishes and helping more with the kids. All with a smile on my face. I can tell we still have a long way to go, but I feel that even if it doesn't work out, I'll be OK.