Thanks for the support! My wife said the same thing back in SEP, that it was just and "Emotional Affair". She lied about all this to our pastor and continued for several months to deny and lie about the sexual part. She has also said she wants to reconnect but doesn't know how. I have heard the "I Love you, but I'm not in love with you" and never meant to hurt you statement.
I travel out of town a lot and she seems to look forward to me being gone. I feel like I am walking on glass and trying to stay neutral and non conformational about everything. I do occasionally slip and let my emotions get the best of me with her around but I am working hard to get a handle on this.
Any questions I try and tactfully raise are met with anger and "you will never get over this" and our marriage is damaged beyond repair statement s from her. Yet she stays and says she wants to work on things....very confusing.
We do have deeply rooted communication problems that I have been working on for months. I am seeing a separate therapist and have learned and incredible amount about myself and how I was throwing myself into work and not meeting the needs of my wife in a way that needed.....I have done a complete lifetlye change. I accept that I had a part in "setting up my marriage for the affair and accept full responsibility for my part" I have worked trolleys to improve myself and will be better no matter what the outcome. I am 1000% committed to my wife and kids and just need to gt the fog lifted so that we can have a marriage that is 100 times better than what we used to have.
Good! It's good to hear that you're looking at yourself. And again, what your W is saying is very common. Much of it is not an attempt to lie to you per se, but rather to lie to themselves and justify their behavior in their mind. I'm willing to wager she's as angry or angrier with herself than she is with you.
I will caution you on "getting the fog lifted". A core principle of DB is that you have zero control over your spouse's thoughts or actions. Your primary responsibility (other than your children) is to work on yourself; to become the best version of yourself you can be. Not to win her back; she will only decide that on her own, but rather to be the best man you can be. You will need to do that to weather what's coming. Be the best man you can be, but let go of any expectations about how your marriage will turn out. This is something I still struggle with.
As painful as this has been, I'm in a way glad that it happened. It was and is a rite of passage for me; I've changed in so many positive ways, physically and emotionally. I've been able to finally overcome some early personal baggage and get on a path to what will be a better life, regardless of what happens in my marriage.
I'm glad to see you're working with a therapist. Make sure to Get A Life (GAL). That could mean spending time with your kids, getting in shape, working on your career and/or business, practicing your faith, if that applies, taking up (or resuming) activities that make you happy. Be a strong, stable, positive presence when you're with your W, no matter how she's feeling that day. That will help you create a life you want and just might get your W to start thinking twice about giving up on you.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
