Gogofo - Learning to go dark

[gogofo]

Well I feel like a genuine idiot and my attachment has led me here. I have been disregarding blatant facts for the hopes that I have sold myself.

I felt that she was just wanting a quick clean break to get out of the M and go to OM. But I put this out of my mind, she wouldn't do this to me, that is not her. She wouldn't tell me half truths, she wouldn't confide in him, etc.

Wow am I an idiot! My W would not do that, but she is not acting like she did when she was my W. I should have listened to what was going on. I even dismissed the OM's XW when she called me and told me she they were in contact again. I believed her when she said they were talking, but not seeing each other.

Well now I know they are going to Denver together for a weekend. UGGGGHHH

I am/was so beaten down that I would go for any little crumb she gave me. I feel so pathetic and spineless. I am mad at myself and at her.

Today is her birthday, but I think I am going to confront her about what she was doing before the end of the M. I am so angry but I don't care if this ruins anything that may be there. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't respect me they way I should be respected.

I feel that she is just f@#king with me. I am really mad.

Hopefully this helps push me over the edge of letting go of attachment. I feel so weak that I am still attached to my XW.