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Yep, Toots has it right.

I'd suggest reading the "Boundaries" thread on the top of the Newcomers forum, and also the excellent book by the same name, by Cloud & Townsend.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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MWKS Offline OP
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I am trying to be patient. The problem is and I know I can't do anything about it is my children like I said earlier they are really resenting their mother right now they want nothing to do with her. I tell them she is coming home for the night they start calling friends or grandparents to see if they can stay there insted of being home with her.

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There has to be something that you could do that affects her. Do you give her any financial assistance for her car, car expenses, phone, beautician, manicures, cosmetics, gym fees, trips, etc.?

I forget, if you mentioned, the sleeping arrangements when she's home. Is she sleeping in your bedroom? If so, where do you sleep?

Are you telling her you have plans for the weekend and she'll have to stay with the kids? Would she take them to OM's?

Are you washing her clothes, cleaning her messes, cooking her meals, running her errands, etc.?

I am going to say this very bluntly. The only reason she is even tolerating you as little as she does, is b/c your services benefits her. You do the housework, cook, take care of the kids, and financially support the family. But mainly, you are her backup plan. When the A is over, there you will be.......waiting for her to return. Meanwhile, she is free to do whatever the blazes she wants. Why on earth would she be thinking of coming home? She comes home to eat and get clean clothes. While she's there, she kisses the kids goodnight, and she's on her merry way. What can you do to put a cramp in her lifestyle?

Maybe you are the kind of man that waits it out. You sound as if that is what you're doing, and then you want to put it behind you and move on. Listen, even if the A plays out, and even if she came home, what would she feel for you? Do you want me to answer that question?

The woman has no respect for you. She is not concerned about your feelings or what you think of her. She is rubbing this wayward lifestyle in your face, while you keep the home fires burning. If you proclaim what you won't put up with from her, she laughs behind your back. She feels no remorse for her actions. If she came home today and said the A is over, she would have zero feelings for you. She has to respect you and she has to feel attraction before she feels in love with you.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Hiya, MWKS.

The way I see it is this...

W has housekeeping services at Hotel MWKS

W has room service at Hotel MWKS

W has ATM machine at Hotel MWKS

W can come and go as she pleases



Gee...she has it pretty good right there.

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Originally Posted By: sandi2
There has to be something that you could do that affects her. Do you give her any financial assistance for her car, car expenses, phone, beautician, manicures, cosmetics, gym fees, trips, etc.?

I forget, if you mentioned, the sleeping arrangements when she's home. Is she sleeping in your bedroom? If so, where do you sleep?

Are you telling her you have plans for the weekend and she'll have to stay with the kids? Would she take them to OM's?

Are you washing her clothes, cleaning her messes, cooking her meals, running her errands, etc.?

I am going to say this very bluntly. The only reason she is even tolerating you as little as she does, is b/c your services benefits her. You do the housework, cook, take care of the kids, and financially support the family. But mainly, you are her backup plan. When the A is over, there you will be.......waiting for her to return. Meanwhile, she is free to do whatever the blazes she wants. Why on earth would she be thinking of coming home? She comes home to eat and get clean clothes. While she's there, she kisses the kids goodnight, and she's on her merry way. What can you do to put a cramp in her lifestyle?

Maybe you are the kind of man that waits it out. You sound as if that is what you're doing, and then you want to put it behind you and move on. Listen, even if the A plays out, and even if she came home, what would she feel for you? Do you want me to answer that question?

The woman has no respect for you. She is not concerned about your feelings or what you think of her. She is rubbing this wayward lifestyle in your face, while you keep the home fires burning. If you proclaim what you won't put up with from her, she laughs behind your back. She feels no remorse for her actions. If she came home today and said the A is over, she would have zero feelings for you. She has to respect you and she has to feel attraction before she feels in love with you.





BINGO.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
There has to be something that you could do that affects her. Do you give her any financial assistance for her car, car expenses, phone, beautician, manicures, cosmetics, gym fees, trips, etc.?

I forget, if you mentioned, the sleeping arrangements when she's home. Is she sleeping in your bedroom? If so, where do you sleep?

Are you telling her you have plans for the weekend and she'll have to stay with the kids? Would she take them to OM's?

Are you washing her clothes, cleaning her messes, cooking her meals, running her errands, etc.?

I am going to say this very bluntly. The only reason she is even tolerating you as little as she does, is b/c your services benefits her. You do the housework, cook, take care of the kids, and financially support the family. But mainly, you are her backup plan. When the A is over, there you will be.......waiting for her to return. Meanwhile, she is free to do whatever the blazes she wants. Why on earth would she be thinking of coming home? She comes home to eat and get clean clothes. While she's there, she kisses the kids goodnight, and she's on her merry way. What can you do to put a cramp in her lifestyle?

Maybe you are the kind of man that waits it out. You sound as if that is what you're doing, and then you want to put it behind you and move on. Listen, even if the A plays out, and even if she came home, what would she feel for you? Do you want me to answer that question?

The woman has no respect for you. She is not concerned about your feelings or what you think of her. She is rubbing this wayward lifestyle in your face, while you keep the home fires burning. If you proclaim what you won't put up with from her, she laughs behind your back. She feels no remorse for her actions. If she came home today and said the A is over, she would have zero feelings for you. She has to respect you and she has to feel attraction before she feels in love with you.




You nailed it. A WAS will keep this lifestyle going as long as humanly possible. Some even keep it going until they die. This is what they want to do.

As long as you do your part, you enhance their feelings in their affairs, it makes them the center of attention and important.

This is why we say if you are not supporting an affair, if you are not supporting a WAS, if you are not supporting someone actively hurting and betraying you you cut off financial and emotional support.

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MWKS Offline OP
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We had a talk the other day and she told me she was going to get on the OM phone plan. I told her good that would save me money. She told me then that she needed gas in her vehicle so I told her to have he OM put it in. She said he works one day a week and doesnt have that type of money to be just throwing around. All I could do was laugh. Really one day a week how does she think this is going to turn intos something that can support the lifestyle that she has grown accustomed to. Btw I didn't put gas in her vehicle

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Originally Posted By: MWKS
We had a talk the other day and she told me she was going to get on the OM phone plan. I told her good that would save me money. She told me then that she needed gas in her vehicle so I told her to have he OM put it in. She said he works one day a week and doesnt have that type of money to be just throwing around. All I could do was laugh. Really one day a week how does she think this is going to turn intos something that can support the lifestyle that she has grown accustomed to. Btw I didn't put gas in her vehicle


At this point why do you even care?? I'm glad you didn't put the gas in her car. OM putting her on the phone plan is like a major development in their love affair, lol. Like we bought a house... Let her go on now.

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GOOD! whistle

BGPs.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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MWKS Offline OP
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So here is my question, how long will this last? Like I said she has put the OM before everything. Us, the kids, everything. can anybody answer that?

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