Worked out the grieving last couple days over our lost loved one. He was always there for me when times got bad.
Ended up crossing a boundary with her while grieving. The day of our loss, we did a lot of consoling together. Comforting, deep, passionate kissing, seemingly, she was likely faking it. Yesterday she had no desire for physical interaction (I was just hugging her, read it wrong apparently), she did kiss me good night, though. Later I apologized "I am sorry for getting into your bubble earlier. Boundaries are boundaries." Dropping a little food for thought there.
She did make a comment that I have been wearing my nicer clothes further into the evening after work. I told her that I am comfortable in them. Have been feeling better about myself with my lost weight and new wardrobe. She played with my hair too - noticing that is better kept as well.
Decided to do another confirmatory check of FB, OM still there (do not worry, I can get over it pretty quick - detaching has worked well). She slept with no pants on last night, not a normal thing, just occasional. Not sure if she was too hot or insinuating something, did not try or act like I made notice of it. I moved away from her if she got closer. She used to go to the polar end of the bed, now she gravitates to the middle more often.
W had an issue with S3 getting in her face this morning, I dropped a "buddy, we should not cross people's boundaries." Hopefully this is being heard and understood. When I left for work this morning, I spoke with S3 a little "you be good, have fun, I love you" with a kiss. After he responded, I picked up my stuff, walked out the door saying "I hope you have a good day." Nothing else.
I plan to speak to her about my boundaries today. I am thinking about starting off with something to the effect:
"Boundaries are important when it comes to relationships. Yesterday, I crossed yours while grieving, and I am sorry. Any boundary you have I will respect. I have boundaries, too...."
Planning to change up the wording a little bit "...please stop crossing my boundaries as soon as possible, because my patience...." as to not let her think I have been checking up on her. May request to see her messages though. Want her to decide. would like add "...I am not willing to be in an open relationship, I am not willing to be lied to, and I am not willing to have my family and your family be lied to. This goes against all of my morals and values, and I am not going to tolerate it...."
Trying to decide if I should cut off communication devices first - they are all mine and I can easily control them.
Throughout this entire process, I have been torn as how to handle this. Reading up on things that suggest how to support your spouse going through chemical dependence programs tell you to give them as much space as they need no matter how painful it gets. They tell you that this exact situation may happen. The number one priority is them to prevent relapse. I have been trying to do that, however, I just cannot stand up for that anymore, for myself and my family. Sometimes it seems like she does not believe there will be repercussions for her actions. Seems like OM is rather manipulative - as most chemical dependence people are. Sad really.
