Either way, T, you're in for a tough ride. Not a bad thing, but you may find yourself exhausted sticking to your 180s when you see her.
Have you thought of using a MC? This person is coach, trusted in-biased 3rd party, structure and some bit of ceremony, a ritual that says you are mending and building. Ours has been a huge guidepost for us in reducing the friction, being able to lean on her and trust.
All that you describe feeling is more than understandable! You gotta honor where you are, regardless...and she will have her journey to complete. With DB and 180 firmly in hand I believe it's possible you can giver her space and support to do that as you slowly re-build. The good news is her head isn't all the way in the sand - she knows she's dealing with some s&&& and wants to be in a better place. That's a lot.
I get it. One of my biggest concerns when H came back was that I was being used. Time will tell, but ---
The ONLY thing you have to control and worry about is you now. Do your very best to change the dance that destroyed your M and be at peace with the days.
((TLEE))
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
