Quote:
she seemed to presume that I would expect her to be among my family for our daughter's birthday.


Oh, exactly! The WW wants to take part in family activities......as long as it fits into her agenda. The sooner she realizes that if there is a S/D, there will be no more celebrating (you and her) together, the quicker she begins to see more of the results to her decision to have an A. There may be two separate parties, but not one big happy family party together.

She is typically bringing up all these things that could wait. She could make it easy on everyone concerned and just make the decision to end the A. As it stands, she has not agreed to do it. She says she has had NC with OM, and that's all. She is still planning to look for an apartment.

There are opposing views on whether or not to tell the OP's spouse. Has this man had A's with his subornates in the past, and his W just turns her head to not see? Would you be telling her, hoping she would apply enough pressure on him to fix the problem? What is the real motive here? If they have children, a lot of properties together, etc., it could discourage him, of course. Or, it could make the A more enticing.

Exposure works in some cases, if you are just trying to bust the A. It doesn't guarantee it saves the M. It was successful for Starsky. It would not have worked in my case. I would have probably left home in shame, and it would have never caused me to fall in the arms of my H.

I'm not saying to lie and help her cover her adultery. But I am against how some have chosen to expose their W to the public. To me, this is part of that "keeping the road back paved smooth". It depends upon how rebellious, hateful, vindictive, and brazen the individual WW is. There have been some cases where I wanted to tell the H to out her behavior to everyone. At the moment, I think you need not make a move to tell his W, and see if your W continues to honor your boundaries. If you expose her while she is honoring your boundaries, it could sign the D papers for you. That's JMJO, and if you get intel that reveals she is lying about it, then you can decide. It is not a decision to take lightly.

I wanted to ask about her promotion. The promotion came from this guy? Do you think there was any pressure or "deal making" between the promotion and the A? (Sorry, i know how bad that sounds. But it happens.) If she's in another department, she'll still have some work related contact? Will company trips be required?

The reason I am asking is b/c if she sees this man at work and knows they will be seeing each other in the future, then it would give her enough resolve to not contact him on her regular cell and email. She could hold out until she is set up in a place of her own. But most times, the cheater just lies to the faithful partner. Know why? B/c a WW thinks she can outsmart her LBH.

I didn't think my H knew enough about technology to track my computer history. shocked. I was the one who was dumb as dirt. In my fogged out state, I forgot and left the screen open where my H was introduced to what was going on! He got on the computer, and the rest is history. But, he started out being way too nice to me, treating me as if I was still that girl he had M so long ago. I wasn't that girl. By the time it died down, I had almost destroyed him. He didn't have the tools you are getting here.

You are doing good. Be careful about those times she just happens to lay her sexy self on the bed next to you, I'm not saying she was working it last night........but the WW can use these situations to succeed at getting the H to be more agreeable about certain things. Know what I mean?

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!