Toot Alors!

[edz]

Sorry to hear you're under the weather toots.

Nice contact from h from the sounds of it.

Hope the solicitors and house stuff goes OK tomorrow.

[Ggrass]

Sounds tootly!

[Vanilla]

Gently

V

[gan]

Hi Toots. Hope you get better soon.

I keep thinking about the analogy you use - it's like we are in the eye of the storm, knowing that the other side is still to pass over. I like it.

Last week you had the sense that things might be moving a bit. I guess it's still possible your H will take his sweet time with whatever next step from here? This whole thing has taught me that we really don't know what is around the corner.

[susana4]

Toots, I found you! Somehow I'd missed your new thread. Sorry to hear you're under the weather, hope you feel better soon. Hope the solicitors goes okay too. It sounds like you're in a good place not fretting too much about H not replying to email yet, well done.

[Sotto]

Thanks everyone. Well, I had an interesting meeting with the solicitor.

She advises definitely not to agree to sell the MH unless we are settling our finances overall.

The crux of her advice is that I have some 'control' over the MH, which is around a third of our assets. It is the only asset I have control over and we own 50/50. Everything else is in H's name, but I have a claim against further assets built up during our cohabitation and marriage.

She says if we sell the MH and each pocket 50/50 - no problem. BUT - H then has 'control' of the remaining 2/3 of our assets and who knows what he may do with them.

She said (worst case scenario) he may squander those assets away in the next 18 months, leaving nothing. She says, if we still have the MH when we fully settle our finances, that could be signed over to me (for example) if he behaved irresponsibly with the rest of our assets.

She said, if she were advising H today, she would advise him to sell the MH - even without settling finances - as it's the only asset I have some control over.

She also said, if we sell the MH and buy a house with my 50%, the 'needs' part of my case has gone. My housing needs are already met, and that 'weapon in our armory' has gone.

Of course, settling our finances in full (without D) can only be done by agreement. And H may not agree to do this. On the flipside, I can - not agree to sell the MH unless we fully settle our finances.

She suggested aiming for a deed of separation in which we agree to D in principle after 2 years S and in which all finances are separated. The sale of the MH would happen as part of this.

So, I guess I now need to think about how to broach this with H...

[Vanilla]

I agree with L.

You could however agree to an option right over asset equivalence without disposal. In other words you exchange 'coverage'.

If H needs to sell ML then you have the final say.

Keep your hand close to your chest on your fin and strategy. More Intel on H and his redundancy settlement!

V

[Sotto]

Thanks V - how does this option right over asset equivalence work then?

Does that mean I could 'gain' some 'control' in respect of other assets we have?

I know I have to agree in order for the MH to be sold already. As for H's redundancy settlement, I know that an 'agreement' exists, so I suspect H was offered a better 'deal' than statutory redundancy in order to waive some rights. But, he was only there for 3 years - maybe a bit less, so it may not be a huge payout - however his salary was high (six figure)...but in the scheme of our overall assets, I suspect it will be minor.

I wonder if I'm best just to send a brief email to him at this stage?

Dear H, thanks for your recent emails and I hope you had a lovely birthday.

I've thought some more about your suggestion to sell the house in X. I agree it's time for us to start considering what to do here.

From my point of view, I'm willing for us to sell the house, but only if this is done as part of us fully considering and separating our finances.

If you want us to go ahead on this basis, let me know, and we can take things from there.

Toots

I think my options at this stage are - do nothing, and let him follow things up with me if he wants us to proceed - or send the above email and get the ball rolling.

Any thoughts?

[jim0987]

Hi toots

Personally I'd give him time to follow up. At least a week.

You don't want to sell at the moment (legally) so the time pressure isn't on you.

My solicitor also said definitely don't agree anything on the house with out a full settlement. My W didn't take this at all well but then my W is very different to your H. Right now though I'm really glad its sorted.

[Sotto]

Thanks Jim

Yes I'm inclined to do nothing for now and give him a while longer to ruminate and respond to the email I sent.

For me, there isn't actually a pressing financial imperative to resolve things right now - a few months here and there doesn't make much difference to me.

At least I know now that selling the house without it being part of a full settlement isn't going to be in my best interests - so that helps.

Still full of cold - streaming nose this afternoon and just ran out of tissues - going to give yoga GAL a miss tonight. Hoping to feel better tomorrow :-)