Susana (5) - Stay the Night

[susana4]

Feel like I've been through the wringer this morning.

I took yesterday off. A few thoughts of H and the sitch snuck into my head but mostly I managed to keep them at bay.

I went round my friend's new house for dinner which was lovely. Partway through the evening I got a text from a friend, let's call him B, that said he'd been having suicidal thoughts all day.

I immediately started phoning B, who didn't pick up for 20 panicky minutes.

B was ok for last night but I'm worried about him, especially since he's refusing to speak to his doctor or anyone else.

I'll probably go down and see him Friday afternoon, maybe stay for part of the weekend.

When it rains, it pours.

Both my grandmother and grandfather have been quite ill this year, and in and out of hospital, but I can't see them because they live thousands of miles away on another continent.

Earlier this year I found out one of my friends has cancer. He's only 26. I was at the hospital at the weekend with him while he was getting chemo.

Feeling really low this morning and I just wish that someone could hold me while I cried, but I can't even talk to H or tell him about any of this. Faking PMA all the time wears old sometimes.

I have some thoughts on some topics like clingy/cold; will post them in a little bit though.