I have been thinking a great deal about your questions and last night I was challenged by almost exactly the same questions by my Gamanon group.
Has H always been like this or is this recent or is it just for effect or an alcoholic reaction?
I really do not know. Actually does that matter? Any way you cut it, it is unacceptable to V. Not that H hols those views (if he does), H can have whatever views he likes, including thinking the queen is an alien. It is that with those views H might be creating damage that is the problem. There could be damage if I let it do so. My choice. But even then do I understand why? And does that matter. It is his job to hold himself to account.
One of the Gamanon members said to me V I would feel abused, very abused by this if this were my H. But V you do not appear to be abused by it. You say that a boundary has been breached but you yet are not abused? How do you do that?
At that moment I had a revelation, a light bulb moment. All of the DB I have been doing, the 12 steps had truly helped me. No one can make you feel anything, we own our own feelings. Yes, I have told myself that many times, so the light bulb moment was in knowing that I believed it beyond just the words. It is part of my new belief system. It is new, fresh and only recent. We can tell ourselves but it is not until we truly believe it that we change. duh!
The trite saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" and "no one can put you down without your consent" that now means something. It is no longer trite. We can have little effect on the another having the use of words to create effect, but to reframe that can prevent those words from abusing us. We can strip the words of the ugly poison meaning by stopping them from reaching us like arrows with poison. I can chose also to believe the opposite that when we are praised and loved we can consent to accept that as valid. We have the choice.
In future I shall think of H spew words as poison arrows that I must protect myself from. I am thinking through how to do this. I need protection from this I need a shield like that from the Hobbit. A shield made of Perspex wihich I can see through so my world is focused and clear. I need my Perspex shield which allows me to project love from my higher power.
So I think my answer must be, I really have no clue what is happening with H and my higher power sees purpose somewhere. My Perspex shield will allow me to channel that higher power and the love within it whilst protecting me from the spew cast off.
With my fellow caring and loving DB hobbit warriors I am feeling like I am no longer alone.
It is with great respect and love I would like to say thank you. I am crying with gratitude.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 02/25/1508:41 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
