This past weekend was good we talked like we used to she gave me a hug before she went out with the "girls" is what she told me and sunday she gave me a kiss and told me baby I still love you.
This is how she "plays" you before she goes out (most likely with OM), to keep you on the string as her Plan B in case things don't work out with OM. Very much typical SCRIPT. How did you respond to this?
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Now today not so much she texted me and was extremely mad I'm not sure why either.
Probably GUILT. She is most likely mad at HERSELF, and she's projecting it on to you. Also very much script.
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I haven't responed except to say what is going on I have no clue y u are mad at me.
Don't do this. This is supplicating behavior, and I can guarantee you that it's very UNATTRACTIVE to her. She's having an affair, you know, she KNOWS that you know, and yet this makes it look like you're chasing after her like a puppy dog with "are you mad at me? Why are you mad at me? Please talk to me!"
How old are your children? We need more background here; your posts are very hard to follow, MWKS.
This past weekend was good we talked like we used to she gave me a hug before she went out with the "girls" is what she told me and sunday she gave me a kiss and told me baby I still love you.
Hate to break it to you, but it means nothing. It is all her BS. She is setting you up for more of her bad behavior to come.
Please do not base what kind of day it is according to what type mood she is having. If you do, she will lead you around by the nose. You base your days on "you" and how you respond to life.
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Now today not so much she texted me and was extremely mad I'm not sure why either. I haven't responed except to say what is going on I have no clue y u are mad at me. she wont respond now. so
Who knows? She operates out of her emotions. Maybe she's upset that she hasn't had her "fix" (OM).
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I'm going to leave well enough alone is that the right move?
In the sense you aren't catering to her, yes, it's the right move to ignore it. When she acts rude, or takes her anger out on you, do not pursue her trying to find out what's wrong.
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is she thinking about coming back home?
No. Is she not living in the home?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My kids are 13, 11, 9 and 6 the youngest three want nothing to do with her when she does show up at home. The oldest has always been a mammas girl and tries to spend time with her when she can but my wife is always on the dang phone either texting him or one of her friends. She comes home about 3 days a week at around 7PM and the kids go to bed at 8:30. Right now I'm trying to do what my DB coach says to the letter but there are days I do regress. Right now I'm just very confused at A: how long this affair will last and B: How can I keep letting my kids see what she is doing and they know its wrong but it seems like I'm letting her do it so I feel like I'm not being a good role model for my kids. So what do I need to do and how do I get her to realize that this guy has nothing to offer her? I mean he's 28 and lives with his parents, no car, no licence and works a part time job. Earlier I stated (I think) that she started getting text from a random number using a text now app and it said hes not into you like you think he is. When you aren't with him I am. Then she got one saying that he was done with her and he gave this person her number because he can't get rid of her. How do you get her to understand that?
I would suggest you start with a simple boundary, as I did: "No texting or calling OM from inside our marital home, and texting or calling him in front of the kids, anywhere."
That's not healthy for the children, and hopefully you can get her to see that you're serious about that. If not, maybe enlist the help of a good family therapist, as any worth their salt would agree with the above boundaries.
So you need to decide what you will do when she disrespects your boundary.
Again, boundaries aren't to control another person. She's right - she can do what she wants when she wants. As can you. Boundaries are how you will tolerate other people treating you.
A better way to put it is: If you _____, I will _____.
For example, if you continue to text OM in front of the children, I will be forced to ........
-Take the children and leave the room -Take the children and leave the house -Stop paying for your cell phone
That's what's under your control.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
You are competly right I have no clue what to say on this boundary now tonight she hasn't said anything about the OM. She hasn't been home much with finally helping with the kids, she offered to take one to dance. She hasn't said much to me though. She took her to dance and then went and tanned. The kids were n bed before she got home. I'm just really not sure what I new to do. Now I do have blind determination to make this marriage work out. Is there anyway I can get her to see what she is doing to the kids and to our marriage?
I don't think you can 'get her to see' anything. If you follow DB principles, be patient and let things run their course, 'life' has a way of showing WS's what they are doing/have done to their BS, families and to themselves.
But this doesn't happen overnight, and it's not a process you can push, other than not 'enabling' your WAW to keep OM for some needs and keep you for others. In a way, you need to step back and let her begin to feel the consequences, whilst looking after yourself and your family.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
