Devotion To A Dream

[phunguy]

She came home we put th little ones to bed as we normally do. Gathered my stuff and went to the bedroom. She came in and lay on the bed next to me and asked to talk. [censored] that was hard. Just seeing her on our bed stirred all kinds of emotions and memories and I suddenly saw just how beautiful she is. I have been so hurt and angry or not been R seen her as attractive for a few days now. I mustered up my courage and said sure we can talk.

She said she wanted to assure me that she isn't in contact with OM that she did tell him not to contact her. That they are not texting or talking. She said again that she told him she needed space to get her life together. Then she hit me with her realization that she may need more than two weeks to find a place and she was worried about money and making it all work. I told her that I appreciated her reassurance and that as long as she was abiding by my request she was welcome to take the time needed to make an appropriate decision.

She went on and said she feels very guilty and said she was sorry for hurting me. I told her that what's done is done and that I am moving on. She asked about our daughters soon to be 3rd birthday. This is where it got more odd, ( does it ever stop getting odd?)she seemed to presume that I would expect her to be among my family for our daughter's birthday. She said she couldn't attend that she couldn't do it. I said who said that you would be invited? She wanted to cry but fought it hard. Her tears welled and eventually she lost the battle. The water flowed. It was quite a show. I said most likely we would have a get together at my parents or possibly at the house but i figured that since it was a Sunday that it would just be easier to do it at their place that way she could be at the house.

Then I told her if she didn't have anything else to discuss I'd like to get back to reading my book. She left the room. I am just blown away right now. Everyday it's a new loop in this rollercoaster.

I'm not counting loops or getting angry at them, I'm just preparing for them better.