Wife during deployment EA/PA ongoing #4

[25yearsmlc]

What do you think your options are?

Starsky,
It is without a doubt the hardset thing to realize and do. Especially knowing how much you still love that person and also because i am a man who likes to solve problems,

Yes it's hard to let go of what/who we have no control over. But realize this: it's also incredibly freeing

AND you are really just letting go of an illusion; b/c you never had real control over her anyhow.


i am also an NCO and putting out fires and solving problems was what i do best. I have been racking my brain about this entire situation for months now, waffling back and forth about things and how to handle the situation. I think it might be time to just open my arms and let the eagle fly, and see where the winds take her. because as i try to hold on, all I'm doing is getting cut and scratched and making her resent me more

You can keep clinging and getting scratched until she files for Divorce and believes she hates you OR you can overtly let go of her.

To put it another way, you can keep doing what does NOT help you or the situation, or you can do something different.

Doesn't it seem like an obvious choice?

instead of leaving a pleasant memory of who i am she see's me as the Problem and actually seems to dispise me from what her friends have said.


We have an adage around here, "Believe nothing they SAY and only half of what they Do." Pay no attention to that stuff. IF you KNOW in your heart of hearts that you are doing what you believe is best for the both of you, that is all you can hope for and

YOU need to be okay with that...regardless of other's perceptions;

which 1) you cannot know and 2) could change, regardless; and 3) you have no control over anyhow.

I had a idea it might be radical but it is just an idea. It hit me when i wokeup. I was thinking about the NC and About a possible D. What if when i talked to her i offered a compromise.

Um, What if you just let her go? What if you STOP trying to manipulate the outcome?

IF you are a believer, why not turn her/this marriage over to God?

LET HIM CARRY HER...you have to stop the waffling and the deciding when the only real question is

WHEN You are going to let go of the ILLUSION that you ever had control over her?

The sooner you do that, the more intact your self respect will be. AND it so happens that it MIGHT MIGHT be seen as stronger, in your w's eyes.

But it's NOT done FOR That reason.


Now I do not want her to look at me as weak and i do not want to compromise my values, but i also know she is becoming really depressed. so what if i said something to the likes of this. " I will have the command remove the NC if you make a promise to me! Now that promise is this. If i remove NC she Files for D.

I don't understand this "offer" or how it's a compromise. You cannot have the command remove the NC ANYHOW, and she is not likely to keep a promise she's forced to make...(like the "Plan A", etc)

This ^^ really does speak to your need to control. You need to see that.


That way i don't look weak but i am still giving her what she wants. or AM I JUST LOONEY! now this is obviously based on if it is possible to get the Command to drop the NC.

But Even if the command can, so what?

How is this any different than you trying to get her to do something YOU want HER to do?

Stop "negotiating" with her. Let her go. Work on YOU...turn your pain over to God and be the best Rysm you can be.

How are your 180s? And what are your short term goals? Why not make the most of the times she sees you and wish her the best and move forward in your life

and let her start to miss you?

Did you read that LONG post I wrote, about what the WAWs miss?

LET HER MISS YOU...which won't happen if she knows you are "still maneuvering".

Make sense?