Complex #5 - progress and throwbacks

[Complex]

ThX Starsky and Sandi.
Sandi you are very right. Our R didn't start on very solid ground. Romantic love can only get you so far. And I really see the picture. I mean I always loved her in a way I never felt before. But somehow in an immature way. And sometimes in a selfish way too.
W is a great supporter but she's been suffering from always needing to "push" me. To support me. She felt like it's all her responsibility. She told me she can't do that forever. And I understand her. The EA was a byproduct. And she was right saying "we have different views on life and career, we just don't fit"...although I DO have the same goals than her, I was never really able to reach out for them and work hard, with dedication. I always wanted to..but I couldn't figure out how! But plain thoughts just don't count. And speaking doesn't do anything.

After hitting rock bottom..being pretty much all alone I finally have the motivation to really make something out of my life. And I wouldn't want my M back the way it was. We both need to become independent people before we can have a stable relationship again. Vacation is long time over. I can't believe it took me so long to figure this out that I can NOT live like this forever and let W do most of the work. It's not like I'm a bum, not at all. I've done a lot. I am a very good houseman and I worked ....but I could've done more for our future. Period. There are no excuses. I am here for a reason. And that reason is me!

And now my W is still (!!!) supporting me, and as bad as it was to start an EA, through all this, she pushed me to become a better person. I think she knows this that she had to do this, for her AND for me. It's not an act of pure selfishness. She cares. And at some point in my life I have to thank her for that. I said it before and I'll say it again, this is the worst but best thing that ever happened to me in my life.
Question is will I be able to turn our M around or is it just too late. For sure I started to turn myself around and if I show consistency, my life will improve for a long time to come, with or without her.