Hey Bright! Yeah, I see where you are going. I do think he has a while yet before all that shine starts to dull again. But he is definitely all over the map.
So, s17 has been testing me a little since xh has burrowed himself back into the tunnel. S17, ahem, s18's recovery time is much quicker to get him to come around, but he is exhibiting definite anger. D14 has taken this second round much harder than the first. I think they are used to xh not being around, but there is some stuff happening inside for sure... it's all starting to seep out.
Anyway, s17 was texting me today and trying to see how far he could push me. I drew a line and stepped out of the conversation. He was definitely trying to cross it. I just became so overwhelmed and frustrated. Here I had xh all down my throat yesterday via text. I knew if I didn't let him know what was up w s18, he'd throw it in my face. However, I did not feel that it would even be helpful. I could really USE his help, but not this nonsense of a "discussion" then disappearing. I am just so frustrated by it all. And he walked out again, and now I'm picking up more pieces.
I was really ticked about it and not sure what to do. But, I composed myself, took my personal emotions out of it, and called him and calmly told him what was going on.
As I was about to hang up, xh started pushing the conversation more.... "Well, is that it?" and things like that. I was like, what do you mean? About what? He said, I don't now, s18.
I said, No, but honestly, I thought the conversation was counterproductive. That I was frustrated bc I didn't think that it was helpful to even talk to him about it, and that I only had to deal with him too. That he can have a 5 minute discussion with them, and drop them off, but I am the one who is there 24/7, making the decisions and doing the hard part every day. That he came riding in on a horse to save the day and then bailed again, leaving me to pick up the pieces, again. That he f'ed the kids up even more, and now d14 is really taking it hard this time. He was going to focus on the kids, but it is pretty difficult when he is in bed with a __________.
OK, so... I did not intend to say any of that. And, I'm not exactly sure what I said... but something along those lines. He didn't say a word, just let out a sigh of frustration. I know it wasn't right... but I don't even care. And he wanted to hear more. Maybe its what he wanted from me. Maybe I fell right into his trap. I don't care. It's not about me. I am so pi$$ed about what he did to my kids. That he kept saying it was about them... but he only had THEM on his mind. Sunday was the first thing he has done with them, really in a month, and the time a month ago, was bc I arranged it. It was a few weeks before that. Really, since the baby came, my kids have been an after thought. Ugh. I am so over it.
Anyway, xh did stop here tonight and s18 went to his truck. Xh gave him a present. Then, s18 said he was going to go to bil with the ps4 to play Madden with his dad. I am glad about that.
Maybe he heard what I said? Who knows. But, whatever. I just don't want my kids to feel abandoned or like leftovers.
I am so tired. I only slept an hour last night. It is going to be an early one tonight! (I hope)
