Masterpiece still in progress...

[Jer2911]

Jer,

You have received some fantabulous advice. I haven't been on much lately but your post struck my fancy so I am responding. Take it for what it's worth and please don't think I am trying to be a downer. I read some of these threads, have flashbacks, and sometimes wonder whether I should chime in or not.

Nervous breakdown? Same thing with my xh. Several people including himself thought he was having one. I have never seen anything like it. Your w is angry...very angry so while I do agree you want to validate her feelings, don't get sucked into this horse caca. And that is what it is...Caca.

Your W is completely and totally irrational. Don't engage with batsh!t. It is a fruitless and painful task. Worry about yourself and your kids. I know you love W, however, only she can decide to truly get help and I can tell you she is a loooooooong way from being done. I don't say this to be a doomer, however, I have seen enough and read enough to know this is probably the truth. It's like when someone's BD was 2 weeks ago and they label themselves in piecing. They. just. aren't.

My xh told me through sobs that he had no idea (and this is a direct quote) "how I could function being so logical." Something tells me this is something your W would say.

Protect yourself financially. Let her decide to work through her stuff...or not. You be the best Jer and focus on being the best mom. Your little peeps need a stable figure in their life.

Hang in there:)

Good points. From the anger she displayed last night to the tears and breakdown this morning in front of me -- I have never seen anything like this from her before in the entire time we've been together... I've never seen her that angry (as she was last night) and I've never seen her breakdown like she did this morning.

Now, long before her I was with someone for a number of years who was completely crazy and would do this kind of stuff all too frequently as a control and manipulation tactic -- so I've seen it before, but just not in my W who always seemed so much more stable and emotionally composed until recently.

I know you are right about her being a long way off from getting help... I know that is true and it makes me sad for her, our kids, and for myself. But I can't help her or control her -- can only take care of myself right now...

And very true about the kids... I am trying very hard to take good care of myself emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically so that I can be a stable parent for them. I've seen a huge improvement in my parenting through all of this -- which would be a good thing normally, but even more so now with all of this going on.

If anything, the past 24-36 hours have shown me that my W and I really do need our space from each other. I have no idea how that is going to happen right now, but I know it has to happen.

But speaking of taking care of myself... I did just get home from my IC session... Gave my C an update on the situation including what has transpired over the past 24-36 hours... Then could only say that right now my brain feels like scrambled eggs... Which is the truth. Everything over the past 24 hours especially has just churned up so much muck inside of me... I've been in tears off and on throughout the day because while it was nice to feel some sort of connection to my W this morning, it also made it so very clear to me how messed up she really is and that there is still such a long road ahead -- and that's IF she makes her way through the tunnel and does what she needs to do to take care of herself and her own issues -- and that's a big IF considering her history with relationships...

I need a huge break from all of this and I don't know how I am going to get that break right now. I still need to be a parent... Even though my W is making an effort to re-engage in some of the parenting activities, the kids still need both of us right now... But boy do I need a break...