Okay -- I want to reply to everyone's posts so far... But before I do... WOW -- there is a whole new version of Monster at home this evening... this one seems to be breathing fire...
I was ready for her to demand that I leave the master bedroom tonight, but for some reason that didn't happen... I would have fought her on it, but I still think that fight is coming at some point. I know she's pissed about having to sleep on the couch, but this was all her choice -- I never kicked her out of the bedroom.
There is a lot contributing to the new monster that is surfacing... one part has to do with what happened between her and another family member today, one part has to do with the emails that went back and forth between us, and another has to do with the co-parenting agreement and point about child support... I have never seen my W acting or looking like this around me.
Don't worry -- I don't think I'm in physical danger -- but W is definitely spinning and in a VERY fowl mood.
Thing is, although you MAY be correct about the "why" of her mood, truth is, you don't, or may never know why she is in a foul mood.
Most of what I have seen, there isn't one particular thing that causes it. Mostly, it's about the loss of control in their lives. They see their new life, as being in control of everything, mostly because MLCers have the false image of not having any control over their lives to this point.
They feel as though nothing has ever been in their control, so by the bomb, and actions since the bomb, they feel as though they are FINALLY taking control over their life.
And when the LBS starts getting stronger, and making the better decisions, they feel their whole world getting turned upside down. And dammit, that isn't the way it was SUPPOSED to be ....
Most MLCers use the one freakin tool, that has worked the best for them......anger
She wasn't expecting you to be this strong...
She wasn't expecting you to own your responsibilities as well as you are now owning them.
This ( the bomb), was supposed to make HER stronger....not you
MLC is such an emotional uproar, that she needs you to deal with things emotionally, instead of rationally, and anger helps her to engage that. Or at least it USED to do that.
You turned the tides, and she is trying her old friend anger once again.
Stay YOUR course through this.
Like 3Beans says, use your anger as a shield, not a sword.
You will get the point where you will see this coming at you, and maybe even giggle inside when it happens. Know what it is, and deal with it.
Originally Posted By: Jer
I know this is MLC and what she said to me today in the emails is NOT TRUE... But if it is... If I've read all of this completely wrong and she isn't an MLCer, then I've lived nearly 10 years with someone who has lied to me continuously, is not who I thought she was, and who has been content up until now to live a complete lie to all of our family and friends... Wow, wow, wow...
Lie to you
Lie to them
Lie to herself ???
To her, this is real, and those things are real...
Are they correct ? Probably not.
But ya know...
As long as it is her perception, it isn't a lie....
